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Forgive My Negativity . .

Updated: Aug 31, 2018

Towards the end I have to admit its getting more and more difficult, Every single thing is an obstacle, and daily struggles are getting bigger an bigger.  As a strong person you can deal with a lot, without even realising. Now my psychological status is not too good, so my brain is automatically making everything what i see worst then it is. The daily stories here are even a nightmare to my heart. Here are some just from this week :

1. A goat and a dog.

What a lovely day, you are passing by SINA and from nowhere you see a dog running like crazy from one side of the hill. Nothing can stop him. Not even little goat which is having her afternoon meal. Boom. The teeth of the dog end up being inside that little creatures. For half an hour she was lying of the grass with open stomach. Yes, I had to be the eye witness, because why not? Next what happened i remember very foggy. The dog which was punished with a stick, screaming out loud, and the sound of sharpening the knife its something You can’t take back, I know its part of nature but . .. .  to sum up the day, little girl whose mum owns the goats came to ask if I want to try some. Bonne Appétit.

2. The children.

Did you know that its still ok do beat children here, as long as they don’t swell up ? Was coming back from shopping, and i see these two standing and waiting for their punishment. The older brother with the angry look in his eyes was looking for a stick. And like nothing was wrong asked them to lie down. I had to run away. I couldn’t watch it. I could hear everything and it was a huge challange to come back and defend them. But i guess you have to respect the culture. 10 min of my life just went away. Luckily after this time I could see them walking around with a smile on a face, like it was the most normal thing in their life. 3. Food

The place I am staying, have a very limited variation of food. Beans with rice, Rice with beans. On a good day you will get a potato. So imagine, after 3 weeks here, when you completely drained out of nutritions, you get your „favourite” rice with stones it ? i couldn’t eat till next day. And yes, i am doing shopping, they have amazing avocados here ! but you still miss all the „normal” you can get at home. 4. Zero Energy

When you are in a place, when people look at you as an opportunity its really hard  not to help. As a creative individual, I am trying my best to give direction in so many ways. But sometimes its so many that i don’t have any more energy for myself.  With very minimal privacy here, you are all the times surrounded by people with needs. If its not food, they will ask for something else. Don’t get me wrong it makes me really happy to help, but then when you hit the moment and you need a help from somebody it seems like nobody understand you .  5. Cultural Difference

It’s not my fault that my normal is different to yours. i miss having running water and shower . I miss having normal toilet which flushes. I miss having my healthy food. I miss not need to think in which water I need to wash my fork. I wish to keep my fork after eating and not share it with 3 people after me. I miss quiet time, with nobody around me. I miss feeling pretty. I miss feeling save. I miss being one of many people, but not to have a constant look of people and calling me Muzungu.  That it negativity !  Now all the good will come, and trust me, its way more then just 5 points !




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